the spooky lunch (ms_timorous666) wrote in shamart,
the spooky lunch
ms_timorous666
shamart

brief into to the fanged pisol of mr. bagely g.

Yes, inventions are perfectly sham art worthy as well!

The fanged pistols wasn't always the name of a well-received rock and roll band of the latter 1970s. Franky and Johnny Kali-gory undoubtedly heard the name from some other source as the band's aesthetic seemed to owe something to the "spicy" pulps of the early 1940s, specifically Spicy Fanged-Pistol Tales. Fanged pistols, however, were a very real invention of a certain Bagely G. in 1908. This was on an island off the coast of Scotland, though Mr. G. was anything but Scottish. Little is known about this man, though it is well documented that he certainly wasn't of Great Britain. His dark brown skin indicates that he was perhaps from Africa or one of the various Polynesian islands. How he came to reside on that tiny island, named Ieulagh, is anyone's guess (more likely the guess of contemporary anthropologists currently constructing a book with a little help from Oxford, a companion piece to their sponsored exhibit at the Tate, "Eccentric Inventions of Our Land", coming in winter 2009).

The fanged pistol is the very definition of an "eccentric invention", since it is pointless to have a weapon shooting bullets along with having fangs, the product of select organisms. Obviously weapons are meant for killing or at the very least, maiming an enemy; the fangs are superfluous for a long distance weapon such as a pistol, or any other sort of gun. Mr. G. must have really been thinking for the offensive victim by providing his long distance weapon with some harmful accoutrements useful for very close contact. Say the killer is right behind you though you have the pistol in your hand. You wouldn't want to shoot anyone at such a close distance, so what do you do? You jab out with your shooting hand and SLUOCK! you've just punctured your enemy's flesh with a pair of fangs. Judging by the narrow channel through the fangs, it is guessed that these fangs also discharged a lethal dose of poison. So you wouldn't merely be injuring your enemy, but killing him (or her). A very effective weapon...but where did the poison come from and how could it be discharged? Was there a separate trigger for the poison? Did it automatically discharge upon contact with flesh? We won't know unless our hardy recreationists reconstruct a fanged pistol and allow me to test it.

Test subjects seeked for reconstructed fanged pistol, eccentric invention of the early 20th century. Must be:
-young
-married
-intelligent
-hard-working
-attractive
-athletic
-well-balanced
-mixed
Will be paid immediately upon after the testing. Thank you for your interest. God save the Queen and God.
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